School Days

 Layni was 3 months old  to when I went back to school to get my bookkeeping certificate. I hated leaving her even if it was with my mom.  I was in school about two week before they started in daycare.  Maeghan loved it and loved having other kids to play with.
Daycare was a very difficult choice for me.  I didn't want my kids with strangers all day. But my  mom was older and didn't need the burden of the children all day. And I had no friends in the area who could watch them. So daycare was the only option, but I wasn't happy about it.
Shortly after starting school I got a part time job which took me away from the kids even longer in the day. The job was easy, and didn't require a lot of mental thought.  My schedule was crazy. I had school in the morning, work in the afternoon, pick up the girls at 5, home and then dinner. I got to spend about an hour with them before it was time to start our bedtime routine.  After the girls were down, it was homework time for me.
Our weekends were sacred since I only had them every other weekend. We would go to the park, we would go spend time with friends, we would hang out around the house and I would give Meg makeovers.
It was during this time that I met Margret. She attended a different church and I was having difficulties with gossip about me at mine. Certain people, who didn't know our story, didn't approve of my leaving my husband were speaking about it behind my back.
So I asked Margret  a lot of questions about her church before I finally decided to go.  I tried other churches first but I knew the minute I stepped in to Centralia First Assembly God it was my church home. I was there 7 years and made wonderful friends and grew in God in wonderful ways and met some wonderful people who mentored me on my walk as a single mom. They had been there and walked with me through it.
 Margrets  gentle counsel saved my soul and I am forever grateful.

How am I going to do this?

I was a very new Christian and hadn't grown a lot in the church I was in.  I did all I knew to do. I was reading my bible, going to church on Sunday, praying, and talking to my mom about things. But I had no idea how to do this single parenting thing.  And neither did she. She had never been a single mom.  She has been married to my Dad for 59 years now.
I also had my best friend Russ. "Unka Russ" Meg called him.  He'd been my best friend for 5 years, the best I could ask for. Didn't matter what time it was, I could call him and he would answer.  He was always there for me. But still, even he didn't know what I was going through either because he had never been married. And he didn't have kids.
So I started crying out to God. Daily, sometimes hourly, persistently. Asking, seeking and knocking, just like the bible said.  I believed the bible was the living, breathing Word of God and everything it said was true. So I put it into practice. I cried out for a friend who knew what I was going through because they were going through it too.  Someone who knew my sorrow, my struggles, my pain as a mom and my secret longings that went with being a woman. And for Him to give me strength to do the job he had called me to do.
It wasn't until DeLayne (from here on out referred to as Layni) was 7 months that God brought us to a different church. It was here I met so many people who poured into me.It was here I began to grow into the woman God wanted me to become. The first woman I met, who was part of the welcoming team, was Tamara.  Turns out, she had been a single mom and knew my struggles.  She offered to get coffee later in the week. I jumped on it.
This would be the beginning of 7 of the most beautiful, wonderful, painful, stretching years I would ever know.  And God was behind every moment. Leading and guiding us all the way.

The moment I became a single parent for the first time

My first husband was a very involved Dad with our oldest daughter so I never had to nag at him to help with her like some wives do. He was always happy to.  It was getting him to be nice to me that was the problem.  He didn't understand why I was ready to go to bed at 7:00 every night. I had an infant and was pregnant and I kept the house all by myself.  I was ready for bed at 5:00 but stretched it out to keep him happy.
We fought constantly. Over everything.  From how I decorated the girls' room to when I called my mom. Sometimes the fights would get violent and he would throw things or hit the wall.  It always scared me when he got out of control like this.  I didn't know what he was going to do.
Then, one night we got into a huge fight and he threatened to take Maeghan and go to his moms in Richland, WA, 4 hours away. He was serious.  I started up the stairs to protect my baby.  I was six months pregnant by this this time. 
He grabbed me from behind and set me aside so he could get ahead of me on the stairs.  I grabbed him to stop him. He turned around and gave me a shove. I fell into the wall, breaking a finger, then landed hard on my side on the stairs. I just laid there, silent tears falling from my eyes as I cried out to God asking Him to protect my baby, and to protect Maeghan.
He came out of  Maeghan's room without her and left the apartment without saying a word to me.  I stayed where I was for another 15 minutes then went upstairs, checked on Maeghan and went to bed.  He never came to bed that night.
I went to church the next morning. Then out to my parents home.  I shared with them what happened and got a resounding "come home" from both of them. And that is what we did. We went home and packed and Monday morning we went to my parents to live. And I had to figure out how I was going to be a single mom to 2 little girls.

January 6, 2015

My first blog post of the new year.  On a subject I have never posted about before. But I know so much about.  Single parenting.  And the only way I know how to do single parenting is with God at my side.  Honestly, I can't imagine doing it without Him. 
For most I my children's lives I have been a single parent.  Maeghan is 18, DeLayne is 17 and Samuel is 11.  I also have a grandson Joey who is 1.  I have been married 3 times for a total of 6 years during the girls' life and 3 years of Sam's.
I became a Christian when Meg was 4 months old.  In my sister's church in Phoenix, AZ. I grew up in a Christian environment, but i didn't I didn't understand until that moment what being a Christian meant until that moment.  My life didn't change overnight, my struggles were still there, but I had someone to walk them with me.
2 Months later I found I was pregnant with my second daughter and I felt my world crashing down.  I felt trapped. But God carried me through until I could pull myself out and leave the abusive situation I was in.  He walked with me every step of the way, through all the fall out of the situation and held me in His arms many nights.
He was truly a 'father to the fatherless and a defender of widows' (psalms 68:5) My girls clung to him, giving him their tiny hearts and calling Him their Daddy in heaven. And I learned how to cling to him as my husband during those next 4 years. 
My hope with this blog is to help you do the same by using examples from my own life and scripture from the bible.